i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
