my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
organizing the empties. That sober.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
