well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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