Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
