oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
