my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
