This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
