ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
