Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize