I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
