he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
