tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
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