before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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