dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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