Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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