Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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