you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
