I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
