I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
