there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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