good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
