I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
