My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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