we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So vagazzling was a success
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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