So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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