I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
