just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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