im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Blood and glitter go together right?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
