I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
