she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
