I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize