Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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