I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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