My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
