Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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