There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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