i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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