these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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