Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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