Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
