Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
