He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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