So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
