whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Randomize
