There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
