I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You ruined the universe
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize