look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Acid is not a monday night drug
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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