proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
