This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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