my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
