I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
