Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
