I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
