My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
