I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
