Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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