i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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