if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
