Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
