Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
