My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
