Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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