I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
