I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
