Where did you get a picture of my penis
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
