Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
