Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
