It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
