hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she told me i tasted like america
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
