Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize