Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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