Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
