Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
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