my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
