I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize