I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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