the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
