Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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