I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
