His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
