I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
