i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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