I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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