Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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