I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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