I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
