i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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