I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
