Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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