the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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