Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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