i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize