I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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