i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
