That's intense
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize